I haven’t been sleeping.
Jacob has woken up early the last several mornings.. to find me crying during my morning meditation on more than one occasion now.
I told Tim that I’ve been crying every morning.. for at least the last 25 days.
The pain I see in his eyes.. (and his scramble to help me) has never been greater.
Barbara and Coach (have again) stepped into the battle with me.
Here I am again..
Standing in a battle to keep my work alive…
while being the mother that I envision for Jacob.
Instead of crying this morning.. Jacob will find me writing to you.
Today in my meditation I was led to imagine myself as a hide..
Tied up with my arms open and my chest to the elements.. rain..heat.. hail.. wind.
I was led to relax into the pain of all of this… and to smile with a knowing that these elements are toughening me into a new creation. A skin that is no longer soft.. But tough.. And able to serve a new purpose.
I allowed the tears to fall..at 4 am while my dear loves still lay sleeping.
Now, this morning I have come back to Ephesians 6:10-18.
Last night as I laid awake at 2 am.. I recited what I remembered.
This morning I meditated on each piece of armor, and imagined putting each piece on.. one by one.
The Belt of Truth
The Breastplate of Righteousness
Feet fitted with the readiness of the Gospel of Peace
The Shield of Faith
The Helmet of Salvation
And lastly the Sword of the Spirit.
As I speak to you today, I also remember that my battle is not against flesh and blood.
That after I have done everything.. I am commanded by God to remain standing.
To be strong in the Lord and his almighty power.. And to pray.
This is where I am.
Where are you this morning?
Last month in “Loving Her Live” I asked you to Face Fear.
This month I ask you to Stand Firm.
Our next “Loving Her LIVE” training begins on Wednesday February 13th to Saturday February 16th.
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