“Take your face out of your hands, and stand up.” God said, with a Ben Harper voice.
I stood up immediately.
I walked out to my vision board..where I have this card posted that I made back in 2010, with Ben Harper song lyrics.
I used to hand them out to my friends and students, when I felt like they were struggling.
This last Sunday...I asked God if he wanted me to do something else for work.
During these moments, I tend to hide in the bathroom, sitting with my upper body folded over my legs (with my face in my hands)...fighting back the dark words in mind.
“Who do you think you are?
All of this work you are doing… it is nothing.
Look around...you have nothing to show for it.
You are nothing.”
The next day (this Monday) I made sure to do all of the mentally healthy things. Meditate...journal..prayer...but as I made my walk to my car for my lunch break, I was still carrying the dark words.
I realized I had forgotten my lunch...and only had a banana.
“Really Maile? You can’t even remember your own lunch??” My dark voice said.
“Stop.” I answered back.
I got on YouTube and found a Tony Robbins clip that was short enough for my break.
As he spoke, tears just rolled down my face in a steady stream.
As the clip came to an end, I asked God again… “Do you want me to do something else?”
“Do YOU want to do something else?” He replied.
“No... I’m not done yet.” I answered.
“Then get out of the car, and go back inside.” He said.
I broke open the banana, ate it...and then made the walk back inside.
Faith is certainly a practice.
Earlier this year I realized that I needed to stop talking, so that I could hear others more clearly...and so I could hear from God.
I told myself that I would begin talking again at the New Year.
I thought during my silence, God would give me a clear path for 2018.
Instead...as the time draws near to speak… life has again handed me some intense blows.
God has seemed to be silent, just as I expected an answer.
Why do I expected to be spared of challenge?
Why do I expect for the doors to be opened at my command?
Why do I expect for the path to be clear?
Mai Trainer is a grand vision I had in 2004, when I was 22 years old.
At the time, my handouts read… “Maile’s Health and Wellness Ministry”. I was convinced that my purpose was to teach the Kansas City community how to take care of themselves. I was convinced that if a person took care of themself, they would fulfill their own purpose more fully.
In 2013 the name “Mai Trainer” came to me, while I was driving between two different gyms.
The last 4 years has been a journey in building an online platform to hold this “ministry”...
I envisioned 13 years ago.
The Mai Trainer platform is now ready to serve the public online.
I’ve (once and for all)decided ignore the advice of other professionals...and just do what the 22 year old Maile envisioned. To say what she wanted to say. To create what she had in her mind.
Now the question is whether I am still committed to the work it takes (and the courage it takes) to walk forward.
Am I ready to get in front of a camera and speak multiple times a week?
Am I ready to present (my own content) to large corporate audience?
Am I ready to publish the material I’ve been using with clients for years… to the general public?
Am I ready to show the world what I have created for it?
Am I ready to receive the material fruits of my labor?
Am I ready to execute the plan I made in my youth?
Am I ready to meet rejection and failure at a grander scale as I climb this ladder?
Or will I sit...with my face in my hands and let my vision die...because it’s hard, and it hurts and I don’t know how?
Who do I think I am?
What do I think I have... that the world can’t get from someone else?
As I type those words, I realize that many of you will have a strong answer for me.
Hundreds of you have spoken words of life into me, during these moments of fear since 2004.
You have told me who I am to you...and what I have given you, that no trainer has before.
I do remember all of your words.
Thank you for your love and support.
Thank you for holding my dream… even when I am unsure of the how.
Thank you for opening doors for me to grow.
Thank you for opening your pockets, in return for my work with you.
Without you... Mai Trainer is just the wishful thinking, of a freshly graduated 22 year old dreamer.
But with you… Mai Trainer is a ministry.
With you… Mai Trainer is a platform.
With you… I have a reason to create and serve.
I am humbled by your faithfulness, and feel privileged to continue to walk with you into 2018.
2018 is fast approaching. I am glad to know that I am standing with you in your journey.
Much love to you friends!